NICU Mom (Part 2)

As we waited in the post partum room, I remember thinking to myself, "everything will be ok... everything WILL be ok."  I had to tell myself that.  There was no other option.  I would not accept anymore bad news.  Minutes seemed like hours and finally the doctor came in.  He said "wow, she's feisty!"  He told us she was stable and while trying to put medicine down her throat for her lungs she smacked his hand away, lol!  I dont really remember everything he said, but I do remember being a little relieved.  He was definitely worried, but there was something calm in his voice.  He'd obviously done this before.

An eternity later (or maybe 30 minutes) a nurse came in with a wheelchair to take us to the NICU.  My heart stopped.  I was so nervous!  What was I going to see?  What would they tell us?  I remember Art being excited and that confused me.  We were on two different wave lengths and that was a good thing.  We balanced each other nicely and it stayed that way throughout our entire stay in the NICU.  At that time though, I was a mess.  I couldn't stop thinking "WHY?"  As we were wheeled back I started to cry - it was fear, the unknown.  When we finally entered the NICU, it was the most out-of-control feeling.  There was my precious little girl.  In the NICU.  In a box.  Wires all over her.  An ugly mask over her little tiny face.  It was heart wrenching and I sobbed. 

We asked TONS of questions and I tried to listed to what the doctors and nurses were saying.  I still didn't believe it though.  I was a NICU Mom... and I was going to be a NICU Mom for a long time.  I think the best news we kept hearing - even though we didn't know it at the time - was that Juliana was going to stay at Sentara Hospital.  Sentara was close to our home, but Fairfax was supposed to be the best NICU around.  We didn't mind traveling if it meant the best care for our daughter though.  The doctor was positive about the situation though.  He kept telling us, "She's doing really good... you don't want her all the way up there for no reason.  Let's give her 48 hours and see what she does for us." 

The next 48 hours were a blur.  We asked millions of questions and received positive, encouraging answers.  The nurses seemed to have halos around their heads, but it was still unnerving having all these strangers take care of our daughter.  How could they be this calm?  SHOULD they be this calm?  Wait - she's leaving... I have to get used to another one?  Does SHE know what she's doing?  Did the other nurse do it like that?  Was is that tube?  Where does that go?  Is that necessary?  Has it already been an hour?  Do you have to draw blood again?  Can you use the other heel?  Can you see if blood will come from the last heel prick?  Can you make her neck more comfortable?  Is she in any pain?  Can you promise me that?  PLEASE?

She wasn't though.  She was amazing.  A fighter.  She beat ALL the odds.  She stayed at Sentara the entire time and was moved from the ICU side to the "Feeder/Grower" side in about a week - amazing!  We continued to watch her feedings increase, her weight increase and a million other things happen.  It's funny... you never realize how much an ounce is until you're in the NICU.  Ounces are everything.  Tenths of an ounce are everything.  We called every night at midnight to see what she weighed.  The nurses stopped asking for her ID # because they knew our voices.  I was there every single day from around 10am-3pm and back again from 7pm-10pm.  Art was there from around 3:30-6:00pm.  We never left her alone except for nights and even then we made sure whoever was on duty took extra special care of her.  We didn't have to say much though.  The nurses at Sentara were amazing.  In fact, amazing doesn't even describe it.  I love each of them and I'll never forget what they did for Juliana and what they did for US.  Each one of them was born a miracle and I will forever be grateful.

Nurses Joanne and Margaret

Nurses Joanne and Kathy

After 55 days, clear brain scans, clear heart scans, a good feeding schedule, no spells and a decent weight, we were able to take our 4.14 ounce baby girl home!!  It was the BEST DAY EVER!  We still have worries and challenges ahead, but I have faith that everything will be ok in the end.  I have faith that we will have a perfect little girl who will grow up to an annoying teenager.  I have faith that she will sass me one day and I will give her "the look"... I can't wait for that day.  I welcome it!!

Home Sweet Home!